essex girl jokes
an essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "how many children?" asks the council worker.
"10" replies the essex girl.
"10???" says the council worker, "what are their names?"
"wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne and wayne".
"doesn't that get confusing?"
"naah..." says the essex girl, "its great because if they are out playing in the street i just have to shout waayne, yer dinners ready or waayne go to bed now and they all do it".
"what if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"thats easy," says the essex girl "i just use their surnames".
an essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. she places a garment on the counter "i'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress" she says.
"come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"no" she replies. "this time its mayonnaise"
an essex girl enters a sex shop and asks for a vibrator. the man says "choose from our range on the wall"
she says "i'll take the red one"
the man replies "thats a fire extinguisher"
an essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. the paramedics soon arrive on site.
medic: "its ok, i'm a paramedic and i'm going to ask you some questions. ok?"
medic: "whats your name?"
medic: "ok sharon, is this your car?"
medic: "where are you bleeding from?"
sharon: "romford, mate."
an essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. it was her boyfriend, urgently warning her "treacle, i just heard on the news that theres a car going the wrong way on the A13. please be careful!"
"its not just one car!" said the essex girl "theres hundreds of them!"
another essex girl is involved in a serious crash, theres blood everywhere. the paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till shes lying flat out on the floor.
medic: "ok i'm going to check if you're concussed"
medic: "ok then, how many fingers am i putting up?"
girl: "oh my god, i'm paralysed from the waist down!"
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